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Here’s to you, king of the abs. Only you could possibly convince us that sitting on the couch shocking ourselves is better than running with our dog.

Since the beginning of the monetary system when money was introduced as a form of exchange, people have been trying to sell stupid products. The category with the most stupid products has to be the class of ab machines. We have all seen the infomercials and full-page spreads in magazines trying to sell us on the latest and greatest ab machine to hit the market.

I don’t see infomercials, since I don’t pay for television. But I do see lots of magazines. The workout and fitness magazines are loaded with ab machines and magic pills to give everyone 6-pack abs. When we use reason, we know that all these gimmicks are false, yet millions and millions of dollars are wasted on these products. Why? People want the most results for the least amount of effort, and that is what these marketeers are selling. Nowhere on planet earth outside the walls of a well-marketed ad could you possibly believe that shaking the human body would whisk away the pounds around the midsection.

I often wonder if the same people are behind each new ab machine being created. Each new machine seems to be even more silly or outrageous than the last. Shocking your fat away seemed to be the hot thing for quite a while. I honestly have never met anyone who has achieved great abs by shocking them. Yet, I am sure the creator of a dumbed-down stun gun that shocks your abs is a millionaire by now.

At least the ab roller or ab lounge are a step in the right direction in that they cause you to move your body. I am no expert when it comes to health and fitness, but I am on the learning curve. My understanding of the human body goes like this: If you want to lose weight and gain muscle, it all boils down to diet and exercise. Cutting out the unhealthy fats and eating in moderation will probably net you better results than buying one of these stupid machines. The major difference between an ab marketeer and a physical trainer is in the product they are selling you. The physical trainer is selling you the ability to help change your lifestyle for the better and achieve the body you want. The marketeer is selling you on the notion you can achieve that body with a product and little change to your lifestyle.

Lesson learned from the ab marketeer is the ability to play on people’s emotions and insecurities. People will willingly hand you their cash if you play on the right emotions. Morals have a play in all of this and people will decide if the product they are backing is truly a good product or just a way to make money playing on emotions. I choose to support products that I would use and recommend. This is the reason I ditched Google Adsense, Spottt and other ad campaigns. In my opinion, money is great, but if you can’t support your product 100% at the end of the day, you are taking away from the value you provide and will ultimately attract the people you want to do the least business with.

Only you, Spottt, could take a great idea and completely screw it up. Not only do you offer no say whatsoever but relish in the fact MySpace hip hop is being advertised on a Christian devotion site. Making the claim of spreading the love, you merely spread uselessness. So, here’s to you, oh polluter of the sidebar. Without you, we just might care about what is being shown on our blogs.

Not only do I give Spottt two thumbs down, but I believe it is a complete waste of time. I managed to try it for 36 hours before I was ready to toss it out. In those 36 hours, our two blogs brought in over 4,000 hits to Spottt’s widget. In return, we received 7 clicks. I am no math genius, but that is less than 2 tenths of 1% CRT (click through rate). I believe that this is the equivalent of Traffic Swarm with even less control.

I really think their idea is just completely flawed from the start. If they were some average Joe they wouldn’t have been give the time of day. The only reason Spottt has been given any attention at all is simply due to being connected to Adbrite.

I am not sure exactly what they are trying to promote in the 125 x 125 advertising exchange world. Spottt sure isn’t promoting community, involvement, control, fun or traffic. On a scale of 1 – 10, I give Spottt a 2. If I can persuade you to avoid Spottt, my time writing this article was well worth it. Otherwise, I have just wasted another 20 minutes on that stupid, dumb looking dog.

Each week I will point out some real marketers of genius. Through this series, I hope to show some ways not to market yourself or your brand.

This week we salute you, Ristreto Coffee of Fargo, ND. Only you would decide to put yourself in between a Starbucks and a Caribou Coffee. In a town with an average temperature of -8, you said to hell with it and opted out of the drive-thru. Your coffee might be worth getting out of my car for. Unfortunately for you, they both have a drive-thru.

Upon closer inspection, we can see that Ristreto Coffee is closed while they move to a different location. The reason for the move, I am assuming, is due to the extremely poor location they are currently in. No further than 200 yards to the east of Ristreto Coffee is a well-established Starbucks Coffee with a nice, covered drive-thru. With North Dakota winters pushing the envelope of -20, a covered drive-thru goes a long way.

About 200 yards to the west of Ristreto Coffee is a Caribou Coffee. For those of you unfamiliar with Caribou Coffee, it is the upper Midwest’s competition to Starbucks Coffee. This Caribou Coffee also has a drive-thru and has been serving in the same location for a couple of years.

Why on earth would someone pick a spot in the middle of these two? More importantly, their business is located in a strip mall with no street access. Considering the street in front of their business in one of the busiest in town, this is a problem. Not to mention it has no drive-thru option for the people traveling on the busiest street in town. Further more, Ristreto Coffee sits right in the middle of two brewing giants. Unless the baristas are serving your coffee topless, I see no reason for people to walk through the door. I hope the second location goes much better for the people over at Ristreto Coffee.

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